I’m a mom. Let that little tidbit sink in a bit. Yep. A month ago today, I birthed a tiny human being in the early lights of dawn and since than, my life has never been the same.
A short month ago, I was preparing to bring life into this world , not really realizing how this choice I had made a year ago, would leave me so incredibly altered.
Baby Azan, born 6.6 lb with a full head of shiny black hair and the most beautiful set of eyes I have ever seen was put into my lap at the crack of dawn. He came into the world with a bang, given my very short, albeit excruciatingly painful unmedicated labour. Azan had no idea but from the moment the nurse put his tiny body on my chest, I felt a brand new emotion that was never part of my spectrum of feeling before.
This seam-bursting, overflowing, heart swelling kind of love that cannot be described as anything other than the love that Allah put into a mother for the sake of an innocent soul that was once a part of your body and now is practically your whole entire world.
My days are long, they consist of only focusing on two things; my baby and myself. Being fortunate enough to have my parents so close to me, the latter has been easy. My meals are made for me, and my sleep is aided by a group of over eager grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends who are only ever a hallway away. The former – my baby, has left me feeling capable, yet clueless; strong yet emotional; patient yet fretful; the roller coaster that is motherhood.
Never in my life have I felt such a dicotamy of emotions and realized how normal it can be. I have no idea what I am doing when I feed him, but I am sure, more than anything that he is full. My surety in the way I want to raise my son is often punctuated with bouts of emotional breakdowns where all I want to do is cry. I want everything to come naturally, and when it doesn’t, it’s frustratingly obvious how open to interpretation motherhood really is. Every mother is doing it right and not right at the same time. The shear patience that I have seemed to develop overnight is incredible. A girl who thrived on doing everything on a whim, short notice and quickly, I now wake up planning how I am going to tackle simple tasks in just my daily life. It’s just not about me anymore. And I am okay with it.
Since baby Azan has entered our lives, the outpouring of love and support from those around us has left me speechless. So many people are visiting, bringing essentials and just being wonderfully present in my baby’s life. I can’t believe the smiles his little face brings to people. I knew I would love my own child, but when you see others feeling that love for a kid that’s not their own, it’s crazy amazing.
In a month Baby Azan has changed physically the most. He has gone from bluish tinted newborn (they don’t tell you they come out blue) to a rosy cheeked, bright eyed, calm as a cucumber little man, mashAllah. He can tell me when he is hungry to when he has a poopie diaper just by the difference in his cries. He is a good sleeper and does not cry unnecessarily. He is an amazing eater and completely a party goer.
I thank Allah for giving me the most perfect child for me Alhumduillah. With the right amount of ease at times and challenge as well, I couldn’t be more humbled that I am blessed enough to be a mother. In a short month, I have realized that it’s not going to be easy. Not one bit, but it will be worth more than anything I could ever do with my life.