Mommy has to go to work.

How am I supposed to leave you behind? How will I ever get through my day not having your nubby little fingers grasp at sweatpants as you try to take big boy steps? Who am I going to share my morning oatmeal with? How am I going to concentrate on daily tasks when you are not my feet getting in the way? How? How am I supposed to go to work? To a job that doesn’t even compare to the one I’ve had for the past year? How am I going to work at a job that isn’t even worth the time I have to spend away from you my Jaan Pakhi? Nothing will feel like it’s worth being away from you… This is about to be the hardest twenty four hours of my life… Apparently it gets easier. One thing that will help me get through the day is knowing that you’ll spend your days with your Naantush. She will feed you and clothe you and soothe you when you miss me… She will sacrifice her time to herself in favour of walking you around the garden or picking up after you. You are in good hands, I know. But I can’t help feel like a rotten mom. I’m probably going to miss your first unassisted walk, only to see you do it on a video or worse… I’ll catch a subsequent walk…But oh well. What must be, will be. Being a mother is probably the single most challenging and yet far more rewarding then any other role I will ever play in life… I know I have made the best decision for you my baby boy. I just want you to know that I love you very much and I wish I could have spent more time with you. But Mommy has to go to work.

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