September, this one is going down as a milestone for sure. Azu is in school. I am beside myself. How did the time fly by? It was an extremely full month. The transition to being parents of a school-goer has not been easy. Essentially, we are accountable to so much more, it’s overwhelming. September also brought with it a pace of life that’s making me crave a little monotony, a little peace and quiet. Am I getting old? Lol – don’t shoot me mom! I guess I have just over committed myself. That’s essentially it. Let’s have a read shall we?
It’s been a month of school and I feel the pressure of being on the ball, like nothing else. When he was in the care of my mother, I could get by with the bare minimal. He would come home to sleep and eat dinner. My mother spoiled me for the most part. She would have these elaborate breakfasts complete with freshly squeezed juices! How am I ever to compete with that? With both of us working, doing drop offs in the morning has also been a challenge. In the beginning I wasn’t making it to work on time… even with consideration.
Within the first two weeks, Azu was dealing with some mean kids so I was faced with helping him process and navigate his negative feelings. I don’t think I was naive in my parenting, or had my head in the sand about bullying, I just expected the kids to be less twerpy.. Ya know? LOL in hindsight, I guess kids find it entertaining to prank other kids, but in my son’s defense, he wasn’t socialized on a regular basis, as he didn’t attend daycare so he didn’t really have the tools to process it.
I am distracted too. As a mother, this is probably the worst thing you can admit to. But I have so many things I want to do. And so little time. Often Azu gets the shaft as he has to be patient, he has to wait for my attention and sometimes, when he has my attention, it’s not a hundred percent. Does that make me a bad mom? If so, how? I want to understand, as a mother, what is enough?
This month I learned that supporting your spouse is the single most valuable thing you can do for them. In my marriage specifically, I have seen that since I am the more vocal person, I perceive that I am the only one who notices anything. He does not comment on much, so it’s easy to assume he doesn’t see, or care about a lot of the things I seem to care about. What I learned is that it’s not true, He does see, and he does feel impacted by it. But sometimes, the best you can do in your marriage is let him process his choices without hammering home all the things you see. I think we are stronger when we respect that even though we are a couple, that individual choices can be made and peacefully accepted by the other party – namely me, without getting anxiety… or heartburn.
Of A Working Mom
I am battling with this facet of my life. I am in a state of transition here. I love my day job. But I know that my side hustle and side-side hustle need love too. I feel like the things that used to excite me, no longer do. I used to love planning weddings, and parties, but I want to give my son more time. I used to enjoy the planning process so much, but the hours of stress and back and forth with new vendors every wedding is starting to not be fun any more. Also the complete useless mother I become the day after the event is also not ideal. Before I had a child, you could see me take a “me day” and not have to deal with anything, but the mom guilt is real, and if I’m being honest with you, it takes more than a day to recover now. I just don’t have the same stamina for it. So yes, I’m rethinking very seriously what I want to be occupying my time from now on.
This is the epic year of weddings. I have been knee deep in celebrating family and friends. I love weddings and attending them, but this year has been a lot, after 12 events attended, I’m feeling less celebratory and more strapped for cash. Hehe. With two more weddings to attend, I am thanking my other engaged friends for not getting hitched this year, and also, I find myself thinking about the following:
- How we can make South Asian party wear less expensive to buy or even rent?
- I don’t even want to get into how much I have spent in order to just ATTEND a lot of these celebrations!
- A lot of the rental services have pretty little or nonexistent options in larger sizes.
- How can we be more environmentally conscious in our festivities?
- Consider seed paper for your invites.
- Consider NOT doing dalas (gift trays) – all that packaging is just insane. And maybe even stop the practice of doing gift trays for show. That’s part of the reason so much extra stuff is added to make the gifts look fancy. If you MUST do dalas, consider buying used dalas from a previous wedding. They are just sitting in that Aunti’s basement anyway.
- Also, what is with the 15 mini events leading up to the main event? Not only do you waste a whack of cash better put toward a vacation or downpayment, but all the excess and waste that comes with all the little details like decor, favours, paper waste… etc. let’s tighten things up a little.
Of A Little Real Talk
Just to switch directions a little, I want to give anyone who needs to hear this – including me – a little shake. I realized this month that as long as I wasn’t disappointing anyone else, I could disappoint me. I gave myself the permission for years to find joy in making others happy or doing things for other people. In doing so, I ate up my time. Time I could have better utilized on self development. But I kept telling myself,
“I don’t have time for_____, because I promised so and so that I would do _____.”
And over the years, I lost faith in myself. I knew I am not accountable to myself. And when I thought about making an accountability partner, then I came up with the excuse that I’m not worth someone else keeping me accountable. I kept telling myself that I find joy in others.
That’s all fine and good, but where is the joy you get from yourself? It always hurt me when my friends lost touch with me, or didn’t seem to care how I was doing in my life and I realized how odd it is that I expect others to value my existence, but I didn’t seem to value it much.
I am not about that anymore. I am going to be selfish. And contrary to the connotation this word has, I’m going to put me at the forefront. Well, next month is a busy one, but November is coming.. And that’s basically going to be one big “ME TIME” month. I think after this realization, I freaking deserve it.
Of Current Favorites
Of What’s to Come
October is going to be fun! So many things to tell you about. I have a whole bunch of things up my sleeve and I hope you’ll be around to check it all out with me.
I am going to be doing a fall mini session with Asma, CLICK HERE if you want to book too! I think after my last photo shoot, I realized how much fun they are and how these precious days need to be captured, so I’m doing it! YAY. I can’t wait for you to see them.
Thank you so much for reading.