Ever since I turned 30, November has become this sort of looming cloud of confusion. I was always a birthday freak. I loved celebrating my birthday! Heck, I always thought that my birthday should be a national holiday. That’s the type of girl I was. Fast forward to now, I crave something more than cake and presents. This month I explored what genuinely celebrating me could feel like…
I have a full fledged little person. Not to be confused with a child. Because a child would require some level of momming. No. This kid is an adult on all accounts.
- He eats breakfast on his own now. I just put it in front of him and he eats it (fruit is still a work in progress, he needs a grazing platter for that).
- He has the ability to consume his entire lunch – because he does eat it. But only sometimes.
- He dresses himself completely with extra points for getting everything on front wards.
- He is now expressing his needs and wants – there is little negotiation power where this child is concerned. Case in point:
Me: Azu, that’s enough TV for one day. Turn it off.
A: Ammu, I need teebee.
Me: No Azu. turn it off please. You’ve been watching for a while now.
Me: Azu, this is not good, I am sad.
A: Don’t be sad Ammu, I love you.
Me: If you love me, you’ll turn off the TV.
A: Do you love me ammu?
Me: Ofcourse! More than anything! Why would you even ask that?
A: If you love me, then you’ll let me watch teebee… because if I turn off the teebee, i’ll be sad, and you love me, so you don’t want me to be sad… do you?
I’ve been played.
- He loves to show affection and he has no shortage of hugs and kisses to give. This will come at a premium when he is older so I will squish him for as long as he will let me. Then I will force squeeze him till he demands personal space… then… well, we will jump that hurdle when we get there, till then… excuse me while I squish some more!
- He says things like “excuse me” “may I” and “after you” – and it makes me realize that he’s taking to chivalry, which I don’t mind at all.
Also, a big thing happened in November! We started swim lessons for him. The class was already half done, but we got him there and in six weeks he passed the level. Full disclosure, my son loves water and for him the skills were already second nature – read: he was a daredevil in cuba.
Oh boy, this one is a huge one this November. I had discussed how in October, we were just living. Doing tasks, chores, social obligations, but not really connecting. Well in November we had some really really honest conversations – confrontations – and tear laden, frustration infused disagreements. Things that made it painfully clear that we were on two very different pages. The only comforting thought was that we were still reading the same book. Which brought me some solace. Maybe in another post I will go into detail about what we were “fighting” about. But ultimately, I would say that it needed to happen. We were very uncomfortable at first, but I see how much we have grown from this having happened. It really served as a reminder of all the things we had put on auto pilot and all the things we were taking for granted in each other.
Marriage is work. I will say it always. It is a delicate juggling act of love, compromise, understanding, communication, spontaneity and pain. And like with everything else, sometimes you drop the ball. The question is, do you want to pick that fallen ball up off the floor, dust it off and add it back in or, is it time to let go? There is no right decision, but there is work either way. We decided to re-evaluate, redistribute and reset our priorities and even though we are far from perfect, I feel like we are much better off today, then we were even thirty days ago. So there is that.
Of A Working Mom
This month, my child was sick so often, I was wondering why I work outside the home. I mean what is the point if every week, you have to ask for time off, use vacation, fake sick just to manage your child?
Mamas it is HARD.
It is hard to look at your kid and think in your head:
- Are you sick sick… or not really sick?
- Can I get away with sending you to school even though your nose is running a marathon?
- How many sick days do I have left?
- Should I work from home today?
- I really need to be at work today, but you also need me… what do I do?
Sometimes, the answer is clear as day, other times, when you’ve maxed out out your time off or are struggling with childcare, the choice is heart wrenching. But my priority is always going to be my son first. I have a whole load of support thank God, but when he is sick, it really is just my husband and I that he wants. Having my mother is a HUGE blessing and allows us the flexibility to take less days off, I actually have no idea how the amazing mamas with no support do it, I would literally lose my marbles if I had no option. But I also feel this incredible need to cocoon this kid, shield him from all the things that could harm his health, make him any less fun and boisterous, but this is life, and this is motherhood. But honestly, schools need to up their disinfectant game. Like would it kill you to spray the school with Lysol every night? COME ON!
Of Real Talk
In November I did the single most pivotal thing this whole year. I focused on giving myself the gift of self care. Most of you saw it all. I started it because I wanted to celebrate my birthday in a more meaningful way, but I had not realized the ripple effect that it would cause. The Facets of Self Care Challenge took on a life of its own and I am humbled and I am ecstatic to know that a lot of you benefited from it. I for one, benefited the most. What started as a way to change up the way I honour my birth and the time I have had the privilege to spend in this life; turned into a challenge that a whole bunch of you adopted. Weather you did one day of self care, a week or even the whole month, I would do a little happy dance when someone would tag me in an activity they are doing for THEMSELVES. Knowing that this challenge was making a positive impact in the world made me push through the whole month to try to complete all the challenges for myself. Little did I know that, in being an “administrator” of self love, I was giving myself exactly what I needed at that very moment. When my #FacetFam joined me in the tasks, I truly felt supported and felt the sense of community that I have always endeavored to create on my Instagram. I know I’ve said this in a caption or two or three, that I am left changed. It’s not a word of a lie. I am left changed in the most uplifted way possible. If this is the only positive thing I ever earn from my time on Instagram, then I am fulfilled. I am forever grateful to every one of you for doing this with me. I am now making myself a promise that self love and mental strength is something I will always prioritize.
Of What’s to Come
Next month, is going to be so good. There will be a general winding down, because winter puts me in hibernation mode. If it’s not necessary, I am not doing it. But on the horizon, we have a little trip planned and some super fun stuff with my son. I want to make sure I take advantage of his first winter break and do some memorable things!