The last month of the last year of the decade.  On the cusp of the new year, I was on the path to preparing for a successful start to January.  November had created a great foundation for me to start December off well, but as it were, I am not the master of my own month, nor can I control all the factors of my life to work in tandem. *Sigh* such is the life of a mom.  You know? No matter how much planning, scheduling, organising, manifesting you put into play, the unknown will always have a way of putting a wrench in it. For the life of me, this month was a tough one.

Of Momming

December was a tough one as a mom.  My son was sick for the most of the month. He started off with a cold, that worked its way into an ear infection, that worked its way into single lung pneumonia. He practically was glued to me the first three weeks – I found it so exhausting and upsetting.  It’s the hardest thing to watch your child get sicker and sicker and not be able to do much. When things are off with your kid, you feel incredibly upset with yourself, you feel guilty and wonder if you fed them enough healthy food, if you clothed them properly, if you did enough to keep them germ free. The answer will always be – I did not. And the reality is that you did what you could in that moment of time. However, because of this I am learning about home remedies, what different supplements are worth taking and a whole bunch of information about keeping kids healthy in the cesspool they call school.

On another note, in December we did a bit of travelling within Canada. We visited Alberta. Given that the child was just getting over his pneumonia, I tried very hard to ensure that he was well dressed and warm.  We were astounded by how much he loves change! He loves the sense of adventure travelling brings. I thank Allah everyday for a kid that is as good with change as I am. He hardly ate any of the snacks I packed him but opted to try eating the food that our friends made, that we got at restaurants and generally blew my mind at how accommodating he got.  When we flew with him this time, I literally packed a small bag with a FEW toys and snacks.  I wrote an entire post about traveling screen free with toddlers.  Most of those tips were followed. But we opted not to pack a whole carry on with his things because he is older now and needs less things. I was also hoping that packing light would not backfire because I was basing it all on a hunch that he will be fine on this four hour flight. On the way there, he slept like a baby.  But coming back, he was up the entire time and somehow managed to fill the time, making up stories, asking aviation questions and (unfortunately for me) playing all over the floor of his seat. He made a little secret space for himself by the footrest. LOL It was gross. But we lived, and he did FANTASTIC! MashAllah.

Of Marriage 

I think we are currently navigating marriage in a healthy way.  We are going through a time where we are both walking different paths individually.  In our marriage we have always been proud of the fact that we don’t hold the other back from the goals they have in life. However, sometimes there comes a time in a relationship when what you want does not match your partner’s.  It’s not to say that it’s a rift in the foundation of marriage, it just means you may want something at that point in life and your spouse is not feeling the same way. And so, they need/you need space. To do your own thing. And that is okay. I learned this concept that we could be walking our individual paths and still be married.  When you’ve been in a relationship for as long as we have, it is hard to recognise yourself as an individual, to some this is something they are proud of. They are a team and they do everything together! YES! Good for you. But sometimes, we have to go off and do our thing – solo, then come back together to be us again. This is us. Right now.  Because we are not on the same page. But we love and respect each other, so one of us will have to wait. Even if it’s bothersome to a degree. 

Of A Working Mom

Can we talk about how the system is not equipped to handle working moms?

So this month azan was sick constantly and the question begs to be asked, how does society build mothers up so that we are able to contribute to the economy and take care of our children at the same time. According to research I read, in 2018 61.3% of the Canadian workforce is female.  And yet, other than 1.5 years of mat leave (which I am thankful we have) and expensive daycare, what provisions are put in place for mothers who have a sick kid for three straight weeks? I have my mother to help me take care of my little sick baba, but then the cold just transfers to my mom, dad, company that comes over for tea and the paperboy.  So it comes down to me and my husband to figure out how to claim our sick days and vacation days. Fortunately I work for a woman who has faced all sorts of issues in the workplace and has given us flexibility to work from home,given us ample sick days and has put in place time in lieu of work so that we have some of that power back . But that’s an anomaly.  Deadlines, guilt, pressure from a whole host of factors can be crippling. Even for me, with all these options, I still have to manage my workload and I still have to make it to meetings and other commitments. On top of everything at work, we still need to make the home function. I don’t know how future generations are going to make it work because the matter of the fact is, the workplace is not conducive to having kids. And don’t get me started on daycare costs… 

Of Real Talk

As the year comes to its end, boy have I grown the eff up. The folks who have been reading this blog know the kind of stuff I have had to deal with. And when I look back on this year, I have got to tell you, the one thing I learned was that in order to go up you need to hit rock bottom and 2019 was my ascend. I started off at the complete bottom, scraped together enough confidence, surrounded myself with people that are honest and worked to build a community that celebrates life – real life, and is there for you when things just don’t go your way. I have met a wonderful group of women who have effectively shown me what genuine support can look like. I come out of this year having been through all the things and now I can say, I am truly stronger than I was a year ago.

Of What’s to Come

I’m gonna take it easy in January. Cos man, I need some time to steep in my new found self love. 

Thank you for reading!

Love,