5 Ways to Raise Respectful Sons

The recent news about the harrowing case of sexual assault in Bangladesh, has me in a tailspin. This is not news per se. Sexual assault and rape has almost become a daily occurrence in Bangladesh. Living so far away, I often count my lucky stars that I don’t have to deal with some of the disheartening things I have learned that women (many, my own friends) have to experience. I also know that sexual assault and rape is not isolated to developing countries. It is the weaving of the misogynist society we still live in. Victim blaming and victim shaming cause women to suffer in silence because less of them come out with their lived experiences. Unfortunately giving men permission offend and re-offend without much repercussion. And if so, a mere slap on the wrist.

In the following post on her Instagram, Maisha speaks about how she was raised to fear men. Her entire upbringing centering around how she would protect herself in the event that she had the misfortune to cross paths with a MONSTER.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CGA73DvlgLL/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Much like her, I am a mother of a son. Granted he is only five years old. But the weight of the responsibility to raise a good man is not lost on me. This journey starts as early as possible. I often say to my close friends that, “I want to raise Azu in a way so that, when he is grown, if it’s 2am on a public bus – and he is on it, a woman need not fear her safety while considering sitting next to him.”

I want to raise Azu so that he is worthy of the relationships he has with a any woman; be it a sister, a friend, wife, a partner, so it’s in my hands how I present those relationships to him.

Therefore, here are some things I am putting into practice in an intentional way as I raise my son, so that one day he may grow to be an upstanding specimen of the male race.

1. Every opportunity is a teachable moment. When there is an opportunity for me to impart the importance of kindness, I do so.
2. Chivalry might be dead to some, but manners are not. I will forever teach my son to always:
   • say please and thank you.
   • hold the door for the person behind you. (not only women)
   • to be considerate when the decision is between what he wants and what would make another happy. If it doesn’t harm him, to choose to make the other happy.
   • To eat with his mouth closed. (I know this is small, and somewhat insignificant, but it teaches him to be mindful of his actions)
3. To tell the truth. Even when he knows he may land in trouble. Open communication is the key. We have always encouraged him to tell the truth. No matter what. Sometimes, he doesn’t like it, but this holds him accountable.
4. To hold him responsible. Under no circumstances does he get a pass on his behavior. If his behavior is not acceptable, there are repercussions followed by a (sometimes) lengthy discussion. On the flip side, if he is modeling good behavior, we positively reinforce with words of encouragement.
5. Model behavior. I roped in the male authority figures in my son’s life (his father, his grandfather, his uncles) to model the behavior that I would like for him to exhibit interacting with women, he learning from men he loves and admires and in effect, this becomes one of the most powerful techniques to instill positive associations and behavior into our sons.

I have yet to raise a man. He is only a little child. But let’s not forget that these little minds begin to develop from a very young age and their personalities are ours to mould. This fact presents a big opportunity for us to do our very best. As parents, we are being asked to raise our sons to put his whole soul into loving and respecting his relationships with women and everyone else.

How amazing is that?

Teach your boys differently then you were taught. Because living in the past doesn’t do anything in the pursuit of moving forward, different is the only way forward.