In the last month I’ve missed so much sitting in my cubicle. Every day I’ve called to check up on you during my fifteen, half and fifteen.  Each call gave me an update of your daily routine.

“He’s eating his oatmeal now”

“He’s making a huge mess of my kitchen now… Oh.. He dropped a potato”

“He won’t step on the grass, he doesn’t like how the blades of grass prick him”

These little status updates keep me going from one break to another, sometimes making my day go by at a snail’s pace because I want to get my next update.  5PM hits and I fly out of my chair and down the elevator like I’m about to miss my train…

Like I predicted, I missed the first time you walked, and got to watch it later in a video. I missed spending your birthday with you because I was too new back at work to take the day off. That was the day you walked.

You spent the day with your Naantush and NikiMa and probably didn’t even notice I wasn’t there. But I missed every single second of that day… choking back tears at my desk and hardly being able to concentrate because my heart was with you.

 

You have 4 new teeth and can confidently get yourself around on your two cute little feet.  You’ve established your reign in Naantush’s house and have your Nana Bhai wrapped around your chubby fingers.

You eat a variety of things now, even freshly squeezed juice from clementines! You’re more hipster then I could ever imagine.  I wish I was the one introducing you to all these things… But I’m not.

You also know how to communicate what you want. You’ve figured out how to show empathy, joy, sadness, excitement and even remorse for when you know you’ve been up to know good.

And today, your Naantush taught you how to say “Allah”

MashAllah I’m so proud of you Baba.

And I missed it all.

These missed moments make me question the value of the work I am being paid to do and I can’t seem to reconcile the fact that the unpaid job of a Mother is so much more incredibly rewarding.

I miss you so much every day… And the only thing that keeps me going is that sleepy side smile  as I leave you in the morning and that excited crazy waddle as you come running to me after work.

I love you Azu.

<3